Master Painter

It hit me hard as I read the main premise for Psalm 139 from Bob Saffrin's book, Psalm - The Sunrise of Hope. “I am convinced that one of the major problems in the world is that most people simply don't know who they are. I think we are in the midst of a global identity crisis.”

I’ve always had unstable thinking in regard to my identity. I often look in a mirror to confirm the right for me to live in the space I occupy; a sort of self-check that I really am uniquely alive. When I look, I see a warped image, one born of wanting the world to like me and one screwed by bulimic thinking. It’s a negative image, one that needs to perform to be liked and thin to be acceptable.

In Psalm 139:16 it says: “your eyes saw my unformed body.” The vivid picture that came to mind as I contemplated this verse was -- when I was born, I was a clean canvas. Much of my “substance being formed” was good – the love of family, friendships, wonders of nature, learning to cope with hardships -- skills and truths I’ve adopteds that the Master Painter has gently brushed on the canvas of my life. The picture is painted with good hues and fine lines; the beginnings of a work of art. I had been under his apprenticeship and had learned so much. But along with the Master Painter's touch, came dark hues of bad memories, hurts, wrong choices, violations, loss, etc., and the painting seemed marred with dark blotches. When I looked at the canvas, it looked ready to be thrown in the fire -- messy and unuseable.

But when Jesus sees me, he sees not only the finished glory of his piece of art, but he also sees the “unformed substance,” the canvas he desires to paint on to bless me and the world -- it's a beautiful visual piece of his work on his finest day. He sees my painting as still salvageable; yea, more beautiful. The ticket is letting Him take the brush and rework the canvas so the black blotches show off and enhance the lighter and warmer hues. He actually works the dark into the background so it brings out the light!

In his book, Saffrin says, “God takes those things we see as light and those things we see as darkness and he uses them all to bring us into the light of his presence.” Experiencing and understanding the light of his presence will allow me oh so gently to let the Master Painter place his expert and steady hand over my shaky and doubting hands to paint a life of beauty. It’s a reminder that he loves to partner with me to continuously mold my “unformed substance; it's a continuous journey we're on until he takes me to heaven. Saffrin says: “God knows us completely and yet there is a sense from Psalm 139 that he is still searching. Maybe he searches us the way a sculptor would scrutinize his masterpiece. Even though he created it and knows it intimately, he still runs his hand over it to cherish and enjoy every line and curve…He loves us totally because He knows us totally.”

Wow, I’d like a piece of that that thinking! God loves me totally BECAUSE HE KNOWS ME TOTALLY! What a delight to have someone know all about me, the good, the not-so-good, and even the horrific, and love me because he knows everything about me. He sees me as his loving creation, someone created for good viewing. Could it possibly be that he never loses sight of the real me, the finished work of art his loving, steady hands long to paint.

I pray God will give me a new picture of the loving and beautiful painting he wants to skillfully draw on the canvas of my life. I want him to clean off the brush of performance and self-destructive thoughts -- to see him not as a “should” God, but a “can-do God.” He believes in me and wants the best for me. Saffrin gives a sweet picture of the difference between the two in the following: “And when God lays his hand on you it’s not like when your dad laid his hand on you when he caught you sneaking out after curfew, but the way a loving father gently puts his affirming hand on the shoulder of his beloved son” Ps 139:5).

Lord, please give me new eyes to see myself as you do, as the beautiful creation that is perfect in your eyes. Your Master Painter’s brush is always ready to create something worthy of your loving hand. I long for eyes to visualize my finished canvas and please give me the grace to let you guide my trembling hands.

Firm Focus!

Ps 1:3 – Be like a tree, growing beside a stream, that bears fruit at the right time, and whose leaves do not dry up. You will succeed in everything you do. The wind and storms try to knock me over. If I am to be unflappable and able to weather any storm, my roots need to planted firmly. If I will mediate by journaling and listening to God thru His word, if I will delight in God promises, if I will be still enough to hear him speak, I will be purposeful in word and action. Even though aging, my spirit will not wither and all I do will have the stamp of God's favor. God wants to prosper my coming and my going, my sleeping and my waking. Time spent ungrounded and unrooted is wasted time and doesn't add to my life focus or legacy. Listening to less worthy voices fills my mind and thots so I don't have room for higher thots. I need plenty of fresh air, nourishing water and rich soil to become like a firmly-planted tree that bears luscious fruit at just the right time. God, please give me a love for your Word again!